Damn, it's almost my birthday and I'm about to hit the big three-0.
Most people would like to think they've made huge evolutionary jumps in the time they've spent on this planet, that was and still is my hope for myself, but have I really done so? Have I made the strides I know myself to be capable of? Have I truly evolved? Asking these questions may seem like pessimism prancing around under the guise of positivity, but I promise you it's not.
It's these questions that keep the change or the ideal of change alive. If I don't challenge myself, then aspiration dies.
Looking back on life and digging up the bones of my past and addressing my short comings couldn't be healthier, more positive, or come at a better time. As cliche as it sounds, there is no time like the present...and failures are just signs of progress...and progress is a side effect of effort.
As upset and unsettling as some realities are, I've chosen to embrace them and push on towards fixing every crack and hole for the rest of my life. Don't get it twisted now, I'm not one for posing as though one should only acknowledge the positive, I will never be guilty of only exposing the highlight reel of my life or my inner- most thoughts, and I'm not into pretending that everything will always be alright. And though things DO have a tendency to suck...BIG TIME, and though at times every bone in my body scream GIVE UP, I can't help but keep going and striving for things to be...well...alright.
There are too many things wrong with the world and I can only do but so much about it, yet another thing I am forever working on understanding and moving past. So, with that said...I won't just give up on the possibility of making changes in the world around me, but I will try to finally and mostly work on me. If there's one thing I've learned is that I'm my own worst enemy, yet I am the the most important person in play that I can rely on.
This is not to say that I don't ever lean on anyone, or trust anyone, I have just learned hard lessons that I am ever grateful for.
For those who feel funny with any reference to God, let's just call it the universe. The universe has helped me weed out the unworthy, has shed light on the bad, has guided me closer to me, has given me the opportunity to learn, grow, love, trust, cry, scream, smile, get angry, stay angry, forgive, move past, understand, make change, gain esteem, overcome, be brought to earth, get lifted up high, get knocked down a peg or two, to be discouraged, encouraged, creative, enlightened, artistic, humbled, and helped me to continue to be ME (just to name a few). And as much as I love and hate life all at the same time...I would be wrong as hell (not wrong as in right and wrong, but rather correct and incorrect) to not acknowledge how blessed I've been to be apart of it all.
And as for my declaration to myself...I WILL NOT BE STAGNANT, I WILL REACH MY POTENTIAL, I may not accomplish it all in time because life is short, but I WILL GIVE IT EVERYTHING.
I try so hard to express myself to the world like a bird that does its bright feather-winged dance, it's my mating dance with and for the world. I don't just do it for the worlds sake, but as a way to remind myself that I AM GRAND, I AM SPECIAL, I AM HERE.
And now that I've just about made it to 30, I will look forward while remembering my past and using it to guide me through the rest of my days. I want to be able to reach 60 and know that I was not just the best me, but that I've learned to be just the right amount of hard on myself that induces greatness without diminishing how I feel about myself. This is something I've been striving to master.
Because honestly...who is this all for? I sit here and I make posts, I let you all in hoping to inspire you in some shape or form, but I do it mostly for myself...I too need to re-inspire myself. I need to do this to remind myself of who I am, who I want to be, and what I'm made of.
I still have a long way to go, I AM more than a work in progress, but I won't stop trying...I can't have been buried and not have made enough of a ripple effect on this planet.
What I'm Wearing:
- Dynamite Grommet-Trimmed Dress from Forever21.com. $29.80
- Studded Kitten Heels from Marshalls. $29.99