There are many things to consider when taking the leap towards “freedom” and there are fears that surface that you may have put away when you agreed to venture on with your mate into something more lifelong. For example the change in finances, whether you’ll ever be as comfortable with anyone else, whether you will ever be ready to start to date again and be able to put trust in anyone again, or even if you will have it in you to go through the whole getting to know someone all over again. You may have to downsize and re-adjust to a new lifestyle all together, but fret not my newly divorced or hell even my divorcees who are seasoned there is hope and life after marriage.
Something I am constantly struggling with as a married woman is not losing me in the man I married and not being swallowed by his needs entirely, as most women tend to do because it is in our nature to give 150% of ourselves in any given situation, especially ones of a domesticated nature. And I am assuming that you the reader may have struggled with mastering that craft and decided that at the end of the day you just couldn’t allow yourself to be consumed with this thing called marriage.
First things first, let’s just let go of the self-ridicule that women are so accustom to, it does not make you less of a woman because you chose to not keep going with the relationship. You need to come to terms with that fact that everyone is different, will lead different lives and sometimes you may have walked the same path in the beginning, came to a fork in the road, and decided that you wanted to go left and he wanted to go right. This is no one’s fault. Paths change and whether you’d like to believe it or not human connections come in seasons that are not fully determined by a specific time.
You need to stop beating yourself up and take a moment to rebuild the most important relationship you will ever have, and that’s the one with yourself. It is so nice to have someone to lean on and come home to that is outside of yourself, but that is purely luxury and cosmetic because the one relationship you should need and want more is the one with yourself. Take this moment right now and think back on all the things you left behind because you were so intent on making someone else happy other than yourself. By no means am I saying you should be less giving, turn your back on your nature, never love or be in a relationship again, or that you should just become a selfish self-centered entity. I am however, saying that this is the time for you to reconnect with who you really are and find your worth. If you rebuild you, I mean really take the time to rebuild you… then I guarantee that the majority of your worries will fade away. You will no longer put your self-worth in someone else. This I promise you will make the path to future connections, or even re-connections with another worthy entity a much smoother and worthwhile one. I know it sounds cliché to say that one must love one’s self before they can love another, or before another can know how to love you the way you need to be loved you must learn to love yourself, but it is just one of those sayings that has it 100% right.