When I tell you I just died over this sequin paneled camo jacket....I truly mean it. Just earlier this year I found it's big sister (emphasis on big because they are both the same size and style, but one is clearly waaaay more over-sized than the other), and I was nearly casket ready at that point as well. There's something so chic and absolutely divine about a draped slouchy boyfriend utilitarian anorak, that has a smattering of studs to edge things up just a touch, while also donning a obscenely large patch of sequins smack dab on the back of it. There's also nothing like people thinking they got you figured out as they approach you, only to realize they gotchu all the way fucked up once they turn around to see all that this jacket has got going on, especially on the back. Like yaaaaaaas, let's gather the children, you thought you knew...but you had no idea how lit things actually were. This jacket just allows you to literally throw anything on underneath and look completely put together, effortless chic is an understatement.

With all of that said....leave it to me to throw on, not just any old thing, but a pair of these borderline vinyl leggings/pants, and a skeleton crop for some added drama. I was going for some serious 90s in the L.E.S (Lower East Side) with a sprinkling of glam on that ass.

Just to let you know, these pants fit beautifully, but I could've gotten away with a size down, easily, and still be good schmoney. AND, this top was preeeeetty stretchy, so don't despair if they only have a size down from your normal BooHoo T-Shirt size.

When I turn around I wanna turn heads, when I pass people in the street I want the look back to induce a readying of the casket.

Do you see these boots?! They're FIYA! FUEGO! FLAMES! If you've been a reader for a while, then you already know I've been searching for a new "life boot", for a long time. I'll admit, though these are right up there on the list with all of the late great "life boots" of "life boots" past, they will never replace my most recent most epic of all of the "life boots" that I've ever owned. I don't think they could ever be replaiced to be honest. But these fit the bill of edgey everyday biker boot that I so desperately needed in my aresenal.

I gotta tell ya, the belly was out and in full effect, and I was loving it. There was this couple sitting in their car, just staring in shock. I hair-flipped on dem haterzzzz. Feel every piece of this fabulosity. I was like, that's right I'm shuttin' it down and there's nothing you can do about it...except fluff that pillow in your casket (cuz I'm killin' em). I just smiled and threw my jacket open some more. No one could or can tell me anything, EVER!

It's so funny, because I look at these images and a sense of pride (for so many reasons) comes over me. Not because I am confident or "Brave", not because I had some self esteem hurdle to get through/over....but because no one would know how sick I actually am. That statement can slide right into the problematic section of the issue, but it doesn't bring me joy to look how I feel. This is not to say or imply that it isn't OK to let go or does it mean you own anyone your looks (or anything really), I just need it for me. I need to feel like me whenever I can, ESPECIALLY when this illness has robbed me of so much. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to announce it so that people could actually take in the gravity of it all (and not hit me with the "but you look fine"), I wish they just knew and we all got on accordingly, but that's not the reality (for me at least). Catch 22 much...? So when I see myself being able to push through (because pushing through and having these veeeery small wins is so valuable and important to me in a world where doing even the smallest of tasks is nearly impossible, most times).

In the caption of this IG post I went on to say:

"I went nowhere today, just shot a few blog photos. I tell ya, today was trying AF. My illness was determined to make even the smallest of tasks the absolute most difficult. I had 15 outfits in mind...I did 3 😒 I'm constantly in a place where I have to lower my standards and make my list of goals shorter and shorter. I'm super stubborn (I own this) so I push myself past my limits constantly, sometimes I'm proud of myself, most times I reap the fuckery that comes behind it. I go into all situations knowing I'll end up having to recover, sometimes it takes a few days....other times a few weeks (hence why I aim to capture 15+ outfits...to cushion the blow). My hope is that one day I can become "normal" again, and that in the meantime I can look fly AF. I wanna be your disabled mami, your invisible illness bae. I don't really celebrate #Halloween, but I know my everyday lewks can easily say otherwise. I shot this look today and I took one look in the mirror and knew I needed to give y'all a sneak peek of this here FIYA!" -Jamila

This couldn't have been a more accurate depiction of my daily feels.

So, as a spin on an existence that can be drab AF, I take joy in taking my power back, reclaiming my time, and being fly while disabled.

What I'm Wearing:

Jacket from Missguided.com. $47 (On sale for 50% off)
Skeleton crop top from Boohoo.com co-ord set. $20 (On sale)
Necklace from Forever21. $6 (Sold out)
Bracelet from Burlington Coat Factory. $7 (Sold out)
Faux leather pants from Missguided.com. $26 (On sale 50% off)
Boots from Torrid.com $50 (On sale right not for just under $35)