Life After Marriage

There are many things to consider when taking the leap towards “freedom” and there are fears that surface that you may have put away when you agreed to venture on with your mate into something more lifelong. For example the change in finances, whether you’ll ever be as comfortable with anyone else, whether you will ever be ready to start to date again and be able to put trust in anyone again, or even if you will have it in you to go through the whole getting to know someone all over again. You may have to downsize and re-adjust to a new lifestyle all together, but fret not my newly divorced or hell even my divorcees who are seasoned there is hope and life after marriage.

Something I am constantly struggling with as a married woman is not losing me in the man I married and not being swallowed by his needs entirely, as most women tend to do because it is in our nature to give 150% of ourselves in any given situation, especially ones of a domesticated nature. And I am assuming that you the reader may have struggled with mastering that craft and decided that at the end of the day you just couldn’t allow yourself to be consumed with this thing called marriage.

First things first, let’s just let go of the self-ridicule that women are so accustom to, it does not make you less of a woman because you chose to not keep going with the relationship. You need to come to terms with that fact that everyone is different, will lead different lives and sometimes you may have walked the same path in the beginning, came to a fork in the road, and decided that you wanted to go left and he wanted to go right. This is no one’s fault. Paths change and whether you’d like to believe it or not human connections come in seasons that are not fully determined by a specific time.

You need to stop beating yourself up and take a moment to rebuild the most important relationship you will ever have, and that’s the one with yourself. It is so nice to have someone to lean on and come home to that is outside of yourself, but that is purely luxury and cosmetic because the one relationship you should need and want more is the one with yourself. Take this moment right now and think back on all the things you left behind because you were so intent on making someone else happy other than yourself. By no means am I saying you should be less giving, turn your back on your nature, never love or be in a relationship again, or that you should just become a selfish self-centered entity.  I am however, saying that this is the time for you to reconnect with who you really are and find your worth. If you rebuild you, I mean really take the time to  rebuild you… then I guarantee that the majority of your worries will fade away. You will no longer put your self-worth in someone else. This I promise you will make the path to future connections, or even re-connections with another worthy entity a much smoother and worthwhile one. I know it sounds cliché to say that one must love one’s self before they can love another, or before another can know how to love you the way you need to be loved you must learn to love yourself, but it is just one of those sayings that has it 100% right.

-Cheers-​

Getting Old.

​Happy Birthday to me...

I went to sleep last night to the thought of what was to come today, I was turning twenty nine and I felt nothing. I thought I'd have some tantrum due to the idea of getting older, but I felt nothing. I think it's because I've spent many years of my life feeling like I was already thirty and sometimes eighty. I was used to people telling me that I had an old soul and it was a running inside joke my friends and I had where we would consider ourselves much, much older than we were, and with that in mind... I felt nothing...

I woke up this morning and rolled over towards the love of my life and spooned him for a little longer than usual, I thought maybe it had something to do with how cute he looked in a little ball next to me, but then it dawned on me that maybe it was my way of not facing the day. Could it be, was I beginning to feel...something? ​

At some point, and I don't remember how or when, I ended up on the far end of my bed in a ball myself, being woken up by the blinds being light up with the awakening of the sky and to my husband singing a little birthday ditty. I couldn't help but let a smile slip from my lips before I even attempted to open my eyes and when I finally did, I was greeted by those pretty little Bambi eyes I adore so much. He said, "It's your birthday." I threw the covers back over my face and he continued to sing his little song. I had all these plans for the day and at this point sitting at home doing nothing, like I do almost every birthday, was sounding OH SOOOO GOOD.

Finally, after shitting around and making excuses for myself, I picked my humdrum arse out of bed and got myself primped for my birthday celebration.​ I took a shower, got dressed and began the grueling twenty year process of applying makeup.

This sounds very depressing doesn't it?​

I turned on the mirror light and gazed at my face for a while, trying to gauge how much I've aged within a matter of a few hours. Not much. I then had a thought, could I really be upset about aging?

Then I dissected some more.​

I don't necessarily think I have an issue with getting older in appearance as much as what getting older actually means. I think I'm most afraid that I've gotten older and I haven't done enough in the time I've spent on this planet, and that I haven't touched enough lives, thus making me feel somewhat unfulfilled. I've spent a good portion of my life in self-reflection and have come to the realization throughout that time that I want to really help people. I also think that's why the whole idea of a blog came about  for me.

When I was done putting on my face and the rest of my outfit, there was my husband with a smile on his face, just looking at me. I already knew what he was going to say, I already knew exactly what he was thinking, and it in-turn put a smile on my face. He has a way of doing that, he can just make me feel so damn beautiful with just a look.  ​

When we finally arrived at our destination, got our seats, and placed out order, I had a moment to really think back at all my years here. I realized that i can't dwell on what it is I don't have, I can only improve upon myself as best as I can with the time I was allotted here on this earth. I can only hope that I touch the life of at least one person, motivate one person, make one person laugh or smile, and continue to do my best to spread that to as many people as possible. ​This realization isn't a new one for me, as are many of the realizations I will express me having on this blog, it's rather a reminder of something I already knew. I just need a wake up call from time to time.

I looked over at my husband as the food arrived at our table and I exhaled, because I'm in awe at how blessed I am to have as much as I do and I should never take that for granted. ​I suggest that you take a moment to reflect as well and don't just wait till your personal "New Years" starts, to do so. Even the most down and out person has something to be thankful for.

Cheers!​

                                                                                      -Jamila Pierre-​