Jamila-ism: On Jealousy

Let go of jealousy.

There are a few different scenarios of this ugly trait:

1. Being jealous with your mate. If for some reason you do not trust your mate to be with his friends or around the opposite sex, then you need to start asking some serious questions: 1. You need to ask yourself if your mate has given you any reason to believe that they are untrustworthy. 2.  Are you just a drama queen, (and yes this goes for males too), who makes big something’s out of little nothings? If your answer is (1) then you need to confront that issue and try and come to a resolve, or just run for your life because life is far too short to allow someone to steal your happiness. If your answer was (2) then you need to take a moment to reflect on what you could be doing to better yourself mentally, so that you can calm down a bit, and be more sensible. If at the end of the day you’re unhappy none the less and you can’t bring yourself to change how you feel in the situation... then that is life’s cue telling you to hit the road Jack.
2. Then there’s the jealousy that’s harbored between friends, this one right here hits home because I can’t tell you how many of these I’ve gone through. You know which “friend” I’m talking about… the one who say’s they are happy for you and are not, the one who gives you advice so that you can never be or get better than them, the one that tells you they got your back when really they only talk behind your back…yeah that one. With these people you need to be precise with you incision and sever all ties with them because in the long run it will run you down.
3. Last but not least, the jealousy you may have for a stranger…come on really? This is the most useless type of jealousy because it is based on the figment of your imagination. You somehow convinced yourself that this person has it better than you because of social status, financial status, etc… Now don’t get me wrong; yes on some level someone is always better and has it better but to then look at your life and say “I want to keep up with the Jones’" is ridiculous. Guess what... the Jones’ don’t exist. Everyone has put this imaginary character up on a pedestal for everyone to follow and even if they did exist they wouldn’t even be able to keep up with themselves. There is flaw in every single thing on this planet, so if someone is well off financially they may also be a manic depressive, or if someone is dirt poor they may be rich in family and on some level still enjoy their life…ok maybe now I’m reaching a bit cause let’s face it no one wants to be dirt poor, but you get what I’m saying. You never know some ones full situation and to compare yourself to them will not only lead you to inaccuracy, but it is not conducive to any sort of happiness, and that is after all what we are in the pursuit of.

All in all dear reader, It’s time to cut it out and get with the de-programing of self-hate and build up the self-love. Appreciate what you have and let go of whatever foolish jealousy you harbor in you. Simple right..? I know it’s easier said than done, but life is a work in progress and if you refuse to put in the work you get fired so do yourself a favor and stay employed.

-Cheers-​

**This photo above is not mine and I am not claiming it.​

Nowhere Else But Up From Here.

The other day I sat in on a “friendship is going to S@#@!” intervention with three of my homegirl’s. Thank god I wasn’t fully involved in the almost untimely demise of a 4 year relationship. All that was really required of my presence was to make sure, as an outside none bias entity, that no one veered off track and make sure that everything that needed to be said was indeed touched upon.

After about an hour of openness and pretty much keeping REAL, I truly believed that there is nowhere else but up from here. I really wanted these girls to resolve their underlying issues that have been bubbling under the surface for over a year now. I have seen friendships end for less and I really didn’t care to see their friendship end especially when it was something that could have easily been resolved, had they just really spoke about it with candor.

All in all, each of these girls (let’s call them “Jamie, “Alice” and “Crystal”) were afraid what it would mean for their relationship had the truth come out about the things they found unsavory about one another, where their friendship stood, and where it was going .

Listen, my advice to everyone is to know that there is no need to be so afraid. I know it seems easier said than done but trust me. There is only one of two things that could happen...they can either accept your concerns and can come to a healthy compromise, or it could mean the end of your friendships. And I know you must be saying and/or thinking “well that’s what I don’t want... I don’t want our friendship to end” .

Well here’s a little bit of reality for you, you either stay in an unhealthy fraudulent relationship with the individual/individuals, you make an effort to correct it by coming to a compromise, or you move on all together. Neither they, nor you should be in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship especially not due to the lack of honesty. No one should live that type of life, it can lead to physical, mental and emotional health problems in the long run (stress, depression, weight gain or loss, etc…). It just is not a good situation.

So if you need to be the one to nip it in the bud then so be it because that type of poison can only do harm, and you confronting the problem head on can only lead to positivity.

I know you may think that there being an unpleasant outcome isn’t exactly a Pro as much as it is a Con, but if you do the math I guarantee you will see how it most definitely surmounts to being more of a Pro. It’s amazing the amount of weight that comes off of your shoulders once problems are hashed out.  

-Cheers-​

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**The photo above is not mine and I am not claiming it.