Finding ways to feel sexy while sick can also pose a challenge. When you’re by yourself just being a blanket burrito with no responsibilities and no one to motivate or press the ”Impress-Button”…. then that’s just fine I guess. But when you’re in a relationship and moreover you live with your significant other, and even more so you have been in a marriage/long-term relationship with them; you still need to put some razzle dazzle on it. If they love you they’ll accommodate and excursive patience and give grace. However, they’re human, they have needs, and much like life as a whole…the show must go on.

*There’s a blog post coming up that gets a bit more TMI about all of that, but I’m still gonna address some stuff here.

My husband loves me very very much, we’re not just lover but we’re friends. And as patient and accommodating as he is, he still has needs and sometimes all I can give him is some visuals to work with. So that’s precisely what I’m fitna do. My baseline is pain, everyday, all day. But, when I get these pockets of manageability and I’m not busy trying to accomplish all of the tasks to make up for lost time, I’m carving out time and effort to remind him why he not only loves me…but lusts after me. He does the same. He’s a very busy man (he’s always busy trying to secure the bag for our future), but my sexy Bambean does these things to get me riled up every chance he gets. Sometimes it’s small and subtle things, other times he’s blatant and over the top.

He’ll do something extravagant like come out of the shower dripping wet and he’ll dry himself and grease himself up in front of me without breaking eye contact not once. Or he’ll be lowkey thinking he’s being slick and he'll lay on me with his head on my lap while I pet and massage his beautiful head full of locks. He’ll make sure I can see his muscular physic and he’ll lightly caress my knee. It’s things like this and various other shit I won’t get into right now that get my blood going and he knows it. That’s why he does it, he’s reminding me (not that I need reminding…I mean he’s gorgeous).

I do similar things, I offer to be his hands and bath him, or wear a robe with nothing underneath so that he can catch glimpses of my body if any movement or the wind shifts it open. I’ll wear his favorite panties while I try and complete tasks around the house. Often times we don’t even say anything about it, we just silently enjoy the views knowing full well what time it is. These acts of lust-baiting keep the desire alive amidst the hectic hubbub and the times in which my illness is draining me dry of will to live much less feeling sexy to say the least.

By now you’re probably wondering, “Jamila, why are you sharing this?”; I want you to understand some of how I manage AND keep my relationship alive. I also want to express how given the multitude of limitations and how having access to clothing pieces that provide the sexy has been crucial in that effort.

There’s quite a list of pieces and brands that I have experience with (maybe I’ll dedicate a post to that list for fellow spoonies soon enough). CowCow just so happens to have a few options as well and I was able to fulfill my curiosities by copping a piece or two from them. Now, the print on this rob was created by a seller on on CowCow’s home site and it caught my eye, but they have customizable options at CowCow.com. How fun would it be to be able to take nudes of yourself or boudoir photos and make a print out of it to have it printed on a silky rob to wear around the house for your partner? Or maybe you want something else printed on any of the clothing options CowCow provides, you can do that.

For me? I fell in love with this jungle/safari print and thought it to be sexy as hell. so I acquired it. When I pulled it out of the package and saw how deeply saturated the colors were and how beautiful the print was in person I knew I wanted to showcase it as a frisky night piece and I wanted to show its versatility as well. So I gave you a night-out look as well. I wanted to show you how to take this “night on the town” look to a rest of the night-IN look for schmexy-time.

It may seem more complex than it is but it truly is such a stand out piece that it makes it all so effortless.

As for the fit, if you are a size 3X (22/24) and you have a bulbus belly and thunderous arms and thighs, be prepared to feel a snug fit on the arms and to only be able to wear this robe open like a kimono. It is unfortunate, but I managed to make it work. Much like most brands who make garments with unforgiving materials, often times you have to size up. There are definitely brands who accommodate far more expertly than CowCow has, but like I said….that’s for another post. I do wish this robe came in the far more inclusive sizing that a great many of their other products do, but the biggest is a 3X in this fantastical robe and if you’re any bigger than me or prefer a robe that closes, stay tuned for the blog post to come. Otherwise you’re in for a treat, because this robe is actually quite beautiful.

What I’m Wearing (Night Out):

Robe from CowCow.com. $49.99 (Gifted)
Necklace from the wholesale district in NYC. $7.99
Dress, Rachel Roy, from Famous Brands. $7 (On sale) Alternative HERE, and HERE
Shoes from Famous Brands. $12.99 (Similar HERE and HERE)

What I’m Wearing (Night In):

Robe from CowCow.com. $49.99 (Gifted)
Necklace from the wholesale district in NYC. $7.99
Bra from Victoria Secret. $12 (Semi-Anni sale, ages ago) Alternatives HERE, HERE, & HERE
Panties from Amazon.com. $29.99 (Comes in a variety of colors and they are TOP TIER)

Hey y’all, ya girl has been gone for a minute. I think its safe to say this whole pandemic has had everyone in a standstill. In 2019, like many of you, I felt that year to be one of the worst yet. I couldn’t wait for 2020 to roll in, I had so many plans. I’d just launched a business, and in my mind things were about to be the best they’ve ever been. Many of us felt this way. We reviled in the arrival of a new year and it’s new prospects.

In came 2020 and boy were we all wrong. I was hit with the flu (or what I thought was the flu), I had never been this sick in my life (cold-wise). That on top of my disability, ya girl was done for. My fever spiked to 105 degrees and because of how black people, more specifically black women, are treated by doctors and health staff alike…I stayed home and self remedied. Two weeks of pure hell, but I made it. Only to be thrusted head first into a world-wide pandemic. I still think I caught the virus in January of 2020…but I haven't proved it yet.

2020 was a shit-show to say the least. Between police brutality, spiked racism, white supremacy on the rise, people dying left and right, and quarantine; I felt upside down and inside out. My business had to be re-structured and so did the life of me and my family. I’m sure you can relate. So I dropped everything. As a matter of fact, I began pulling back on many of the things I loved due to my invisible illness reeking havoc on my existence at an all time high, months before 2019 ended. It’s almost like the writing was on the wall.

Fast forward.

When 2021 started my business had finally come to the end of development and I told myself I’d get back into the swing of things. The pendulum of passion was calling to me once again. Well, unfortunately, the first half of the year was spent enthralled in a major health flare-up that made it almost impossible to function. Standing, sitting, taking showers, cooking, leaving the house, “getting ready”, eating, watching tv, everything you could think of that an able-bodied person could do with ease….I was no long able to do.

Then I got a boost out of nowhere. I was able to manage my illness with the support of family and (like the crazy and stubborn person that I am) I decided to try AGAIN. I reached out to a few brands to accompany me on my journey. The journey, was that of a creative who simply wanted her voice to be heard in a crowd of able-bodied folk. With every article and sponsored movement that’s geared towards those who are visibly disabled (which isn’t many to begin with), how often do you see invisible illness put at the forefront? There are so many invisible illnesses that aren’t just that of the mind. Why don’t we hear more about them, why is no one talking about them more?

So here we are.

I decided it’s time to link up with not only brands that believe in my mission for awareness, but brands that have seriously saved my life throughout the years of my invisible illness-battle. I know it seems dramatic, but in a world where everything hurts, you never feel good, vertigo is always on the menu, and you still need to get dressed? These companies provided the garb that fulfilled my need to show out even when I didn’t feel like I looked.

No, I don’t owe anyone my looks or to be aesthetically pleasing, but I’m no nor have I ever operated from that place. This is about me. And this should also be about you if you find yourself in a similar position as me or not. Dress for you. Even if certain situations call for a certain look always find a way to make it for you. That personal spin makes all the difference. And for me, I “dress up” because it’s who I am. It’s what makes me feel the most me. And if any spoonie out there can relate, you know how it feels to have your illness/ailments rob you of what makes you… YOU.

Before I got sick, I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me where I was going and who was I getting fancy for, every time I got “dressed up”. Now that I’m sick, it has increased exponentially, but mostly by the slew of medical professionals I’ve encountered while seeking treatment for what ails me. It’s not always so blatant as a question, sometimes it’s a look, or a disregard of complaints. It’s as if I should match the way I look with the way I feel in order to be believed.

“There’s no way you’re as sick as you say you are and your so put together?”. -Doctor Horrible

Little do people know that I have somewhat perfected how to exist as my truest self and be sick as a dog in equal measure. I had to or I’d go insane.

I cant tell you how many times I’ve had to disclaim to physicians, “Just cuz I’m sick doesn’t mean I’m dead, doesn’t mean all of the clothes I own have somehow disappeared and have been replaced with rags. Would it help if I came in here in a housecoat? Would you believe I’m sick then?”.

Now look, there are a multitude of reasons I am not believed by doctors off rip, but how I have chosen to present myself to the world adds the recipe for disaster. I’ve even resorted to frumpifying my look to get respect from these doctors; less makeup, sweatpants and a T-shirt, and some beat up sneakers (just to be taken seriously, just to be heard). I moved away from doing all that because it was more work and significantly more emotionally and mentally taxing to dull my shine than to just be who I am. Plus once that layer of the discrimination cake was “remedied”, there was still the issue of being a fat person of color who is female and has a full head of locks. So I figure, if you’re gonna hate me, you’re gonna hate all of me.

I really could and will go on as we make our way through these upcoming blog posts. but for now, let’s enjoy the looks brought to you by yours truly and COWCOW.

CowCow, as you should know by now if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, is a Naughtcouture favorite. This brand has given me all of the quirky, customizable, and effortless fun I could ever hope for. They are the epitome of maximum impact with little to no effort. And you know I’m a super-fan of that right there. I’m too dizzy, too nauseous, and have way too many spinal headaches to be franticly searching for ways to put looks together, especially if I’m on a time constraint and have spent 80% of the time towards getting ready just recouping physically from every task I complete (i.e. putting on makeup, eating to ward off hunger headaches, showering, the act of getting dressed as a whole).

The last thing I need is to exert much needed energy on what to wear and whether or not what I’m wearing truly represents me. The way I combat that is by purchasing high impact pieces. These are MY version of basics. These pieces do a lot to bring me joy in an otherwise unenjoyable moment; like doctors appointments, disability hearings, physical therapy, etc… I can catch a glimpse of the girl who lives inside of me every time I catch a reflection. It reminds me that I’m still here. That feeling is priceless. CowCow has been one of the brands that has been crucial to making that happen for me. I’ll forever rep them for that alone. The fact that they make high quality pieces in material and print with a desirable amount of give and stretch for comfort, and that they’re generally size-inclusive, is just the icing on the cake.

The folks at Cowcow understand me and those like me, they stand for inclusivity and are continuing to work towards expanding upon that as they move forward. They can see the bigger picture. And they’re one of the few brands that has given voice and shared the light with influencers varying in audience sizes in hopes to get the word out. They care, they’re listening, and we can do this together.

As for this dress, it only goes up to a size 3X and it fits snug to the body but not in a confining way. The neck opening stretches enough for my big head to fit into it and it doesn’t constrict my neck, surprisingly. The print is of high quality, however, this dress isn’t like the skater dresses I’ve rocked so many times before on my blog. It is a ribbed material so the print can tend to separate a bit. My only critique is that they chose a material with a background color of the main print so that when the ribbing stretches you can’t see the white in between the ribbed rows as it stretched over fat bodies like mine. Otherwise, this dress is dope AF.

What I’m Wearing:

Sunnies from Witchinghourbaby.com. $ (OLD) Similar HERE, HERE, & HERE
Necklace from AFAZE. 3 for $10 (Very old) Similar HERE
Dress from Cowcow.com. $41 (Sponsored for review)
Longlined black vest. $16.99 (Similar HERE, HERE, & HERE)
Spiked bookbag from Witchinghour.com. (Gifted. Not Sponsored.) Alternatives HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, & HERE
Boots from UrbanOG.com. $24.99 (Very Old) Similar HERE, HERE, & HERE

*Some of the links provided may be affiliate links (20% off when you use code: NAUGHTCOUTURE at check out for Cowcow.com) All views and opinions are of my own.

MIDNIGHT SAFARI

KISSED BY A ROSE.